The best things in life have a sequel. Lord of the Rings. Sequel. Toy Story. Sequel. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Squeakquel. Fleet’s Good News. Sequel.

You know the deal, the world feels down, and the news does nothing to help. In this existential pit of disparity, one rogue journalist combats negativity one sweater-wearing elephant at a time.

To start off we have Mr. Worldwide, Mr. 305, it’s the world’s most venerated virtuous verbal versifier, Pitbull. ¡Dale! In wake of the Hurricane Maria, the island of Puerto Rico was left without power for days on end. Cancer patients who relied on electricity for treatment faced a grim future with the delayed federal response effort. While others may have been barking up the wrong tree, Pitbull stepped up to help in a big way and lent his private jet to cancer patients so that they could continue their chemotherapy in the United States. Even though his music may be hit or miss (definitely a hit though), this act of compassion should be championed by Pitbull critics and cronies alike.

Now we turn to a region that is rarely seen by the press in a positive light. For years Saudi Arabia has maintained a law so sexist in nature that it seems more suitable for medieval, rather than modern times. The right to drive solo has long been solely afforded to male citizens, which aside from cementing a second class citizenship, created a myriad of issues for Saudi women. Finding a male relative or paying another male to drive adds unnecessary financial and social strain to a female population that already wrestles with the consequences of a testosterone-dominated state. The overturning of this feckless legislation, as announced via royal decree on September 24th, signals a change in the tide for Saudi Arabian civil rights, a  nation whose international image has been marred by its oppressive underbelly. Let’s all hope this light tap on the pedal in the right direction sparks a large scale ignition towards equality.

Peanut butter and jelly has long been seen in the eyes of the average consumer as a staple of everyday life. Nothing special, but definitely not terrible; it exists in the purgatory of the American palate. Adam Fleischman, a California based food guru, ignored such small-minded notions when he began his smash restaurant PBJ.LA. This Los Angeles restaurant takes the classic sandwich and turns it up a notch, combining gourmet ingredients such as rosé jam and chocolate nut butter into a familiar uncrustable package. This delicious start-up has generated a lot of buzz on social media and may attract imitators on the east coast in the near future.

Being the savvy journalist that I am, I know that there is a master key to the hearts of every reader. When one is able to harness this omnipotent weapon of mass-affection, they can sit back and watch the Pulitzer’s roll in. So without further delay, I present, breaking news on dogs. A recent study released by Emory University neuroscientist Dr. Gregory Berns confirms what many have suspecting for years, dogs truly love us. By comparing the neurological canine response to both humans and hot dogs, they came to the conclusion that all dogs value human praise as much, if not more, than food. Think about that folks, dogs value us as much as they value the very basis of their survival. This news comes to the dismay of cat people everywhere, who are currently unable to cope with their inherent inferiority.

Thank you all for tuning in to this week’s edition of Fleet’s Good News. May it be The Empire Strikes Back equivalent to this epic saga of positivity.